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  • Writer's pictureKerina

Where To Begin?

The biggest struggle I have had in deciding to create this space was where do I start? The answer was very illusive. I decided that I will write about events that are currently on my mind. They will not be in chronological order. With this in mind here goes nothing.

This is an account of who I am today: I am proud to be a transgender woman. I am mid-transition. I have happily been on hormones for almost half a year. I am happily employed full-time at one of the best companies I have had the pleasure to work for, Starbucks. I currently am staying at home doing my best to social distance during these rough times. Hopefully soon this coronavirus will pass and we can start to see life get back to some form of normalcy.

Being transgender has been a blessing and a curse for me all my life. I knew when I was very young that I was different from all of the boys. I liked things that were "girly". However, this was not welcome in my house. I remember the first time that I outright told my dad that I felt different from my brothers and friends. We were eating breakfast before my second week of 6th grade. I told him that I didn't feel comfortable being in the same locker room as the boys. He stared at me for about a minute and asked "What do you mean?" I responded "Dad, I don't think I am a boy."

That one sentence sent my dad into a spiral of fear, rage and disbelief. See, my father, was very religious. He stood by his beliefs in every way he could. Unfortunately this conversation sparked something in him that I can never forget. His anger and fear was so immense that he hit me. This was the worst beating that I had received from him. He hit me several times and told me that it was not alright to say things like that. He told me, "If I hear that you feel this way, or talk about this to anyone I will end your life. I gave you life and I can take it away." I did the only thing I could, I went to school with 3 massive bruises and a black eye.

This was not the first time I had been sent to the counselors office. I knew them by name. I was so scared of what would happen if I told the truth. I lied and told the counselor and police that I got into a fight with a friend. I was reprimanded and the topic was buried for what I thought was going to be forever. My father passed away many years later. It was after this that I was able to start opening up about how I felt.

It took me a very long time to be myself. I hope your battle is much more smooth. If you are unsure of who you want to be I can only promise with time, You will find You.

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